Breaking Free From "Sensitivity is Bad": Learning to Feel My Feels

My therapist friend shared with me a feelings wheel years ago and I still have the same one he shared with me saved in my “notes” app. I used to have it taped to the wall in front of my desk.

Pultick’s Wheel of Emotions

I pulled it out today because I was trying to identify what I felt yesterday when something happened. Then, I started thinking about why I needed this chart in the first place.

In my household growing up, the only “way” I was allowed to be was obedient. So any feelings like unhappiness, sadness, anger, and anxiety had to be hidden and concealed. Any feelings where I needed comfort, a hug, or empathy were shunned and made to feel “bad” and inconvenient. If I showed any of these feelings, I was told I was too “sensitive”. So, a life rule I unconsciously kept was “sensitivity = bad”.

As someone who has a lot of Scorpio placements, I’ve been told by astrologists that I have a lot of feelings. At first, I was like foreal? What are feelings? My friends often knew that I did not cry.

For a long time, my feelings were repressed and would eventually blow up into breakdowns. I would feel the tension and stress in my body, but I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings. Instead, I would hide and avoid my friends, family, and partners until I felt better. Feeling better, happy, and my bubbly self meant I would be accepted. Feeling worse for me was not safe because I was previously rejected and made to feel like a burden, an irritation.

So the practice of knowing how I felt started with me and looking at this chart. Daily and multiple times a day I would tap into how I was feeling. For the longest time, I remember it was always “numb, withdrawn” and tbh, I was relieved to find it at least on the chart. On top of my feelings, I would then judge myself harshly for feeling numb and withdrawn (hm, sounds familiar to how I was treated in my household 😵‍💫).

But slowly and eventually, there was permission to feel the things I felt. Then there was less avoiding and more sharing with my loved ones, especially the ones who are most impacted by how I’m feeling. Then there was composting it into something fertile, and then growth 🪴.

It took several years of work but nowadays, I don’t find myself judging myself as much for feeling the way I do. I use it as “data” and information for what I need. And there’s less turbulence in moving through it.

If you liked this post, book a call with me because you’re ready to be less self-critical and to uncover and accept the different parts of yourself ❤️‍🩹