Celebrating Growth Over Expectations: What Turning 35 Means to Me
My birthday was yesterday. Year after year, I usually have these reflections. Yesterday though, I felt tired.
Post-Infusion Reality: Honoring My Energy Levels
I was one day post-infusion for lupus and sometimes I am exhausted for 1-3 days after the infusion.
The perfectionist and hyper-achiever parts of me wanted to do my reflections and share them on my birthday. I used to allow those parts to run my life, leading me to more exhaustion.
Growth is recognizing those sides of me and no longer letting them run my life. Instead, I allow myself to wait until I have the energy and mental capacity to reflect.
Things like this are what make me happy and excited to grow older. The more clarity I’m having the more overall peace and calm I feel. The freedom I have with my time as well as not having as many anxieties as I did before.
Society’s Expectations vs. My Reality
What gets in the way of that is always societal expectations. At this age, I’m supposed to have kids and build my career, etc. The reality is I have no kids, I am in a part-time no benefits job at a hospital with no intentions of “climbing the ladder” or getting a full-time position. I’m still not sure where I want to “settle” down.
And I’m mostly okay with my reality. When I’m not okay, it’s usually when I feel like I’m talking in circles with my husband about our future 😅
Finding Joy in Simplicity: Smaller, More Meaningful Celebrations
Anyway, yesterday I just had a small dinner with a few friends. Before, I used to plan my birthday and welcome big surprises and large gatherings, but year after year, I feel like my birthdays are becoming smaller, more intimate, and more introverted.
I ain’t mad! My husband thought I was disappointed yesterday and was like, “See, you should’ve let me plan your birthday!” because I had made him pinky swear me not to plan a surprise party.
Tbh, that would’ve stressed me out because the effort he put into that party would’ve stressed me out. And then the feeling that I want to spend time with people on a 1:1 level would’ve stressed me out. So this year, I stayed firm on exactly what I wanted - which was to do as minimally as possible.
Accepting My Unique Path: The Freedom in Not Having a ‘Calling’
At 35, I no longer feel like I’m chasing, seeking, or grasping. I was asked a few weeks ago if I have a calling. I really thought about my answer and I realized I no longer feel like I do. And I don’t feel like this is a “bad” thing.
When I was seeking a purpose, it made me more confused and lost. It made me compare myself to others who seemed to have a purpose. What I now realize is that my calling is in a moment-to-moment realization. It’s what I feel like doing day by day. It’s when I pause to discern what that next thing is.
I know that for some folks, they most definitely do have a calling (like my husband and music). I used to envy these people, but nowadays, I no longer do.
Embracing Growth and Accepting Imperfections
I have accepted my numerous interests that can change. I have acceptance towards sometimes feeling lonely, knowing that it is an illusion and my low feelings most of the time are illusions. I have acceptance and less judgment towards my depression and anxiety, which has improved with antidepressants.
I still struggle with acceptance of my energy levels (related to autoimmune conditions), that’s still a work in progress.
I still struggle with the avoider part of me, but I’ve made great progress throughout my relationship. Now the avoider comes up when it’s related to family.
The hyperachiever and restless parts of me still want to do all the things, moreso than I have the energy for.
So, I acknowledge the growth throughout my years and how much more calm and at peace I feel lately. And I’m okay with the parts of me that are still very much a work in progress.
I would say the biggest challenges in my life aren’t immediately personal, but rather the USA and world issues and social injustices. Still trying to seek out the answers to caring and taking action while not burning myself out. Let me tell you, the antidepressants are really helpful 😅
Gratitude for 35 Years and the People Around Me
Overall, I’m grateful to have amazing people in my life. I’m grateful that I have my interests and activities I care about. I’m grateful to have made it to 35 ☺️
Gifts You Can Give (just some ideas, you get the gist) 🎁
Write letters to your senators, representatives, and key figures in the Biden administration, urging them to take specific actions to protect democratic norms and freedoms
Connect with advocacy groups focused on preserving democratic values, such as the ACLU. Donate or volunteer.
Support independent journalism such as Slow Factory and Democracy Now
Donate to organizations dedicated to a Free Palestine, Sudan, and Congo such as Heal Palestine and UNRWA
Donate to Oakland-based nonprofits such as APEN, AAPI Women Lead, or Ella Baker Center for Human Rights
Tip: When donating, seek out your tech or big corp friends and see if their company matches the donation!
