34 Life Lessons for my 34th Birthday
Aging is a privilege. Life can be wild sometimes. Each birthday, I like to reflect on my life and this year, I thought I’d share my list publicly. Hope it resonates with you 😊
Have the courage to start all over. It’s okay to start all over and reinvent yourself over and over again.
Embrace imperfect parents. Forgive them for their imperfections and forgive them for not giving you what you needed. They have their own struggles and pains. Forgiveness frees both them and you.
Define your success. It’s okay not to follow society’s standards for success. It’s okay that it doesn’t feel right to you. Not everyone’s definition of success looks the same. Question it and then redefine it for yourself.
Feeling-based goals matter. It’s okay if your goals are more feeling based than achievement based. It’s okay to stop friggen achieving! Goals can also be how I want to feel, which is lately more peace, more calm, and more joy.
Prioritize Experiences. Invest in moments, not materials. The material doesn’t make you happy on a genuine level. Invest in experiences for yourself and for experiences shared with other people. Yes, food counts as experiences!
Nature is nurturing. Spend more time in nature. It feels SO good to you. Try to spend more time in nature, before you feel desperate for it.
Prioritize what fuels your soul. Discover what gives you energy and then continue doing those things and prioritize those things. Do your best to drop the things and people who drain your energy.
Open, honest communication fosters intimacy. If the relationship is important to you, work on your communication and boundaries with this person even though it’s hard and scary. This leads to more intimacy and connection, not further from it.
Marriage is a Spiritual Path. It triggers you like no other and it takes work to uncover what is objectively true harm and what is in your head based on just the life and relationships you had. Again, for more intimacy and connection, be open to communicating. Be open to trusting your partner to hold you. Be vulnerable even though you feel like ditching everything and finding a piece of land where you can manage a sustainable farm and have 10 cats (this is my super avoidant side, LOL). Be open to your partner having the purest intentions. Talk, open up, be less avoidant.
Trust your intuition. The world will convince you that logic and analytical mind is superior, but that doesn’t work for you. Trust the part of you that doesn’t make sense to others but it makes sense to you. Also, do practices that strengthen this part of you.
Navigate fear vs. intuition. Make sure your fears are not disguised as your intuition. Make sure you know the difference within yourself. Move towards your intuition. Feel your fear and get to know it, but don’t let it stop you from taking action towards your highest, truest, most authentic self.
You’re not alone in your journey. A lot more people than you know are experiencing and feeling the same things as you! Open up to those you feel safe with. You are not alone. You’re never alone. The feeling of being alone is an illusion.
Unexpected joys bring depth to life. Surprise, you actually like cats. It just took you living with one to find out you like them. When you’re ready to adopt a cat, always get them in pairs or triples, or keep the whole litter lol.
Practice self-compassion. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself as if you’re speaking to a loved one.
Enjoy the journey. Have some fun along the way. Especially since you’re on this personal development journey. Not everything is in the books. Put the books down. Do things purely for the fun of it.
Protect Your Energy. Don’t take on other people’s energies that don’t serve you. Let it move through you. Be a screen, not a sponge when it comes to energies that drain you. It’s possible and okay to have empathy while not letting it burn you out.
Forge connections beyond alcohol. You don’t have to drink to be social with other people. You can find other ways to spend time with people. You can find people who also wish to be sober! Stop feeling like you need to drink just because other people are. If you’re in situations where you feel like you must drink, sit with that discomfort. Sit with that anxiety. Don’t escape it with alcohol. Also, it ain’t good for your body.
It’s okay not to have everything figured out. Embrace the uncertainty, embrace the unknown. Life is full of them. It’s okay to live with the questions. It’s okay to not have the answers. It’s okay to still be working it out. Don’t let this paralyze you though. Take a baby step, even though it may not be 100% certain. That step will lead you to your answers.
Travel broadens the mind. Traveling makes you grateful for things that you can take for granted. Things like clean tap water, running electricity, modern technology, etc. It also makes you grateful for the small talk that Americans seem so good at. It makes you grateful for people in the States who smile at each other and say 'good morning' to even strangers. It also showed you how things could be better in your own country - things like clean public bathrooms, efficient public transportation, etc.
Healing through shared experiences. The things that you’re ashamed of and make you cringe at the most random moments? Likely someone else has experienced the same thing. If you feel safe with them, be open to sharing it. You’ll be surprised by how people are there for you and how they may have experienced the same things. This is healing in itself.
Keep learning and stay curious. Follow your curiosities! You never know where it may lead you. Be open to new experiences. Be open to trying new things.
Nurture your relationships. Nurture meaningful relationships with family and friends. Who do you feel good around? Who has your best intentions in mind? The pandemic caused a lot of isolation and for some of us, it may be hard to get those “lost” years back. Don’t be afraid to be the one to reach out to the folks who you want to grow with.
Celebrate your small wins. Don’t wait for “big” moments to celebrate you! Celebrating small wins along the way helps give hits of dopamine. Whether it’s taking that dance class or expressing a boundary. Celebrate you trying something new or scary for the first time.
Movement as medicine. Find a body movement practice that you love. Do it regularly.
Prioritize rest. Prioritize your sleep. It’s okay to sleep in. You don’t have to follow all this advice of waking up at the crack of dawn. That doesn’t work for you anymore. It’s okay to nap.
Revel in the Unknown. There is a lot of unknown out there. There is a lot of magic that is out there. Be okay with not knowing everything. Be open to discovering and being delighted along the way.
Accept help. It’s okay to ask for help. Let people help you. You don’t have to do it all alone.
Cultivate mindfulness. Practice being present. Do practices that help ease and open your mind.
Prioritize self-care and self-love, and mental well-being. Stress can create some crazy physical symptoms. In me, I developed two autoimmune conditions that I have to take lifelong medication for. Growing up, witnessing my mom take care of everyone before she took care of herself and seeing how much she sacrificed throughout her life, I really wanted to see her living a full, satisfying, happy life. I also didn’t want to follow in her footsteps in that way. For someone who didn’t really have role models for folks practicing self-love and self-care, when I practiced it within myself, it felt indulgent, it felt guilt-ridden, it felt cocky. The self-love work honestly is a spiritual journey in itself and it’s a continued journey even now because once one thing seems “healed”, another thing gets uncovered for the next thing to “work on”.
Learn to say no and set boundaries. Stop saying yes when you actually mean no! Ooooh boundaries! It’s still a hard one for me especially as someone who is avoidant. I’d rather just not deal with it and avoid the people completely, but that leads to isolation. It takes me further from connection and intimacy rather than closer to it. As I’m practicing my boundaries, I’m finding that it shows my loved ones how I want to be treated, taking me closer to connection rather than further from it (to the right people). If having honest, fulfilling, meaningful relationships is important, then boundaries are a must. We are all unique individuals and our boundaries are different. How can someone love you in the way you need them to, if the expectation is for them to read your mind?
Have radical self-acceptance. Give yourself some grace. Remember your inner child.
Embrace learning from mistakes. Find the lessons and learning experiences behind your “mistake” and “regrets”. Find the opportunity behind them. It’s okay not to have the answers right now. Don’t rush it.
Don’t compare your life to others. Everyone is in their own journey. It’s hard to not compare especially when folks are sharing their best lives on Instagram. But a lot of times, what’s not shown is the drama, the pain, the suffering. You never know what someone else is going through. Try not to compare. Focus on your own wants, dreams, and desires. Focus on your own path.
Remember that life is a beautiful, unpredictable adventure. You can’t control everything. Go with the flow more. Don’t resist it. Let go of what you think “should” happen or what “should” be. Release the shoulds so you can enjoy the adventure more.
May these reflections resonate with you. Cheers to more memories, embracing the uncertainty, finding the joy in this world, and continued personal growth. Now, let me know in the comments your biggest life lesson. I would love to know!
